One of the best ways to learn more about the world- and self-views and the families of your students is through the invaluable exchanges that can happen during the supportive debrief process of a time-out. The program has identified how using a supportive debrief can help if an emotional problem or issue interferes with a student's ability to focus on academics or contain his behavior within acceptable limits. Remember, the goal is to teach the student to work through difficult situations, rather than to get the student back into class quickly.
We know that a supportive debrief is necessary if reminders or interruptive time-outs haven't helped the student re-focus. Debriefs also tell you whether a student is unusually tense, unfocused, or visibly upset. The course has also presented the following questions that should be the focal point of all debrief discussions:
As teachers, we know that the way we present these questions has tremendous impact on how the questions are received and heard. This is especially true when we’re trying to frame a discussion in a situation where a student is already tense or upset. Supportive debriefs encourage students to explore their behavior. A debrief is an effort to get them to look beyond superficial answers and look deeper into themselves. The deeper look should include the experiences both within and around them. Deeper exploration or processing may cause some students to become angrier, or more upset or depressed. Dealing with deeply rooted issues is rarely a pleasant experience for anyone, but dealing with these issues effectively can help resolve many social, emotional, and school problems.
When we speak about a neutral tone of voice, we refer to a voice tone and an interaction style conveying patience, an attitude that is non-judgmental, and a desire to understand. The exact words are far less important than the overall message your tone sends. The most insightful and perceptive questions or comments said with impatience or sarcasm are far more damaging than an awkwardly worded question or inaccurate observation said in a caring fashion. We should always try to phrase our questions in a way that makes it impossible for a student to answer with a simple "Yes" or "No." Beginning our questions with words like Who, What, When, Where, Why, and How creates more openings than beginning questions with "Did you" and "Can you." Mrs. Jones' question lets Susan know immediately that she is interested in her perspective.
Mrs. Jones has indicated to Susan that she is there to listen and learn, and not to tell her why she is being debriefed. Sometimes it is necessary to tell a student why she has received a consequence. However, if the reason is stated at the onset of a debrief, it tends to close down the process of exploration. The exploration process is the core of the supportive debrief. Remember, the tone of voice used when asking a question or making an evaluation is paramount in helping students to build the necessary trust to explore with us. We all know how different a word like "yes" can sound, based on the tone of a person's voice.
Acknowledging the feelings and ideas a student expresses is as essential as our tone of voice. If the student feels that we are acknowledging his feelings and ideas, he will be more open. Do not confuse agreeing and acknowledging. Our acknowledging a student does not mean we are agreeing with him or her. If you perceive a student as showing no signs of feeling what he states that he feels, or if his version of the facts differs greatly from ours, we may think we have no choice but to correct the student's perceptions. However, a correction done too quickly tends to slam shut the door to exploration.
Perhaps above all else, students who are troubled need to feel claimed and validated. They generally anticipate being blamed and rejected, and come into discipline situations with a "dukes up" defensive attitude. If we acknowledge their feelings and give them room to give their versions, however distorted, we help disarm them and set the stage for a more interactive dialogue. Beginning a debrief with this question may get the response, "You always think I'm the one causing trouble. You never saw what Erica did." If we answer, "You are on time-out for repeatedly distracting Erica," we risk being like all adults who never believe and always reject him. However, if we acknowledge his feelings and answer, "It sounds like you think I am unfair to you and pick on you," we send the message that we care about the student's opinions and perspectives. If this is the student's response to our comment, it allows us to open a conversation about how the student views us and the effect of this view on his behavior in our class. We can respond by asking the student why he thinks we'd want to pick on him, and we can build from there. These types of exchanges are windows into the student's self and world views. These talks also create the framework for building trust. Debriefing this way avoids opening with a debate over content. The debrief could quickly have become centered on the content of what Erica did that we missed.
The prior scenario could have gone like this: "You are on time-out because I saw you interrupting his studies!" This would get the response, "So? She started it! You didn't see her making faces or hear what she called me!" This allows the student to derail the debrief and avoid taking responsibility by focusing on the small and irrelevant details. To avoid responsibility is not the only reason students focus on content. Many students genuinely do not understand or have the words for what is really bothering them, so they focus on the immediate content. They need our help to move beyond the immediate content.
When we find ourselves caught in the "who did what to whom" jungle, we are trapped in content and are falling into a no-win situation. Say something like, "I want to share something I'm noticing. Each time I try to talk with you about what I saw happen, you quickly contradict me. Why do you think this keeps happening?" This shifts the focus back to the process. The shift of focus from content to process bumps the student up against his immediate interaction with you. A discussion about process highlights the way people are hearing, perceiving, and interacting with each other. Process discussions are likely to be more productive than back-and-forth argumentative exchanges about content. The following are questions that focus on process:
For younger kids:
A word of caution: No one likes to be told how he or she is feeling. A comment such as, "I see you're angry now," said in any tone, can immediately slam the communication door. Here is another set of neutral phrases that may acknowledge students without telling them what they feel:
There are no magic words, questions, or right ways to do a supportive debrief. If we try to acknowledge students and remain neutral, we will begin to build our students' trust. Let creativity be the guide, and enjoy the process.