Debrief Questions

The first question is: “How are you (the student) feeling right now?”  Often you will get no response at all, or an answer that isn't congruent with the student's present state.  This could be because he is unable to identify a label for the emotion.  In this case, label the emotion you are observing for him.  We recommend using neutral rather than emotionally charged words.  For example, words like troubled, upset, down, or bugged would be more neutral than angry, furious, depressed, or sad. 

The second question is, “What caused you to feel this way?”  The goal of this question is to find out what stirred the emotion.  It may have been something that just happened, or a recent event that triggered a thought or an emotion from the past.  Those past events and feelings may be what the student is reacting to at this time.  Be ready for finger-pointing.  It is not always possible for a student to take ownership for his behavior, and insisting that he do so may only lead to a power struggle.  Follow-up questions may help reach more significant issues.  These questions will be most effective if they help a student to explore possible causes for his feelings.  The search, not the ownership, is important at this time. 

Keep in mind that most students will reach for the most superficial and least stressful answer or cause they can come up with. Although it’s not always the case, this may be an attempt to “sell” you on what caused them to act out. We as teachers do not need to settle for that first answer. It is our job in a debrief to help the student explore all possible reasons why a behavior or reaction may have occurred.

An example would be a student who has been on time-out three times before lunch due to various conflicts with the same classmate. You notice that the student has been in conflict with that same classmate several times in the past week. During the debrief the student may say that what caused him to get angry was a comment by the classmate that he deemed rude. You, on the other hand, may know that the classmate bears a striking resemblance to the student’s older sister, so you may want to lead the debrief toward questions about the sister. How is she doing? How is her health? Is she at home more or less? Is she left in charge more lately? If the student is having more conflicts with this one classmate, there is a high likelihood the relationship with his sister has somehow changed and is causing stress he may or may not be aware of at the time.

Again, we don’t need to settle for the first answer to the question, “What caused you to feel this way?” It is our job as the person leading the debrief to make sure we help the student find the true cause of the emotion so it can be dealt with effectively.

The third question is, “What would help you right now?”  This is brainstorming time. Students who are new to debriefs and don't believe that you will allow them to make their own choices may give silly or outrageous responses to see how you will react.  Consider all solutions.

Many students don’t believe you take them, their thoughts, feelings, beliefs, or solutions seriously. They may also be trying to derail or disrupt the debrief with an outrageous solution. This could be a test. They say something outrageous to see if you’ll blow up at them as most other adults have in the past. Discuss the outrageous solutions as if they were real options. This will help the student see that it is truly an outrageous response, and s/he will get tired of hearing you explain away these outrageous solutions because they waste time and keep the student on time-out longer. Here is an example of how to discuss an outrageous solution:

Sara suggests shooting Tom the next time he calls her stupid. Your response to this solution might be, “Let’s think about that solution, Sara. You bring a gun to school. You keep it in your backpack, waiting for Tom to call you stupid. He calls you stupid. You go to your backpack, take out the gun, walk over to his desk, and shoot him twice. Now he’s dead. Since there are many witnesses, you will be convicted of murder. Since the gun was in your backpack, it will be easy to convict you for pre-planned first degree murder. You’ll spend most, if not all, of the rest of your life in prison. Eventually you won’t be mad at Tom anymore for calling you stupid, and you’ll realize that you have actually killed someone for something as simple as making you mad. Then there’s the issue of what you will do the next time someone makes you mad. Do you just keep killing everyone who makes you angry? No, I don’t really see how that would be a realistic or acceptable solution to this problem.”

Although it seems like a waste of time to actually talk through the entire process for an outrageous solution, it can be extremely effective on many levels.  As students become more skilled at these debriefs, they will spend less time making outrageous statements. 

Generating solutions is difficult for many dysfunctional students, so they will need some guidance.  Try not to give them solutions, but get them to come up with their own.  If you give them a solution and it doesn't work, they will blame you for their failure!  The student should be allowed to choose his own solution as long as it does not endanger himself or others (this includes property damage).  The final solution is not as important as the process of learning to solve problems in a supportive atmosphere.

The final question is, “What's needed to make the situation work?”  The student may not be able to accept help immediately.  But offering your support is still very important.  Forcing the student to rejoin the class may cause him to blow up again.

The goal of any verbal debrief on time-out is to determine if the student can work through whatever problem or solution sent her to time-out. The goal IS NOT to get that student back in class. If we send a student back to class before s/he is ready, there will be problems again. Talk and work with each student during a debrief so when s/he does return to class s/he will have the best chance of being successful.