How Children Disclose Sexual Abuse

Indirect Hints:

Since young children have not learned the specific vocabulary needed to disclose sexual abuse, may be too embarrassed to talk about it, or have been told not to tell, they often give indirect hints. These could be statements such as, “My big brother keeps bothering me,” or “My mom’s boyfriend slept in my room,” or “He has funny-looking underwear.” Indirect hints are also given through children’s artwork or writing. It is not normal for school-age children to frequently draw genitalia or breasts on their figures. This may indicate an unhealthy fascination with sexual matters. (Be aware that preschool children often draw belly buttons and their own genitals, but do so with a casual innocence. They should not have knowledge of what the opposite sex’s genitals look like and should not be totally fixated on sexual body parts.) Make sure you keep copies of suggestive pictures or writing and give them to your school counselor for follow-up. Encourage the child to be more specific with the disclosure (within the limits of his or her knowledge and vocabulary). Refer the child to your school counselor or social worker.

Disguised Disclosure:

A child might tell about a touching incident as if it is happening to someone else. Statements such as, “I know someone who is being touched in a bad way,” or “My daddy does gross things,” or questions such as, “What happens when someone tells her mother she has been touched in a bad way and her mother doesn’t believe her?” are red flags. Encourage the child to tell you what she knows about the “other child”; then maybe she will tell you whom she is talking about. Using the resources of your school counselor is a good idea because he or she has been trained to talk to children about such problems.

Disclosure with strings attached: Most children are very aware that if they tell, negative consequences will happen to the family. The threat of family consequences is a powerful tool that the perpetrator wields. Therefore, the perpetrator may make statements like, “I have something I want to tell you, but you have to promise not to tell anyone.” It is important to be honest with the child and let him or her know that you want and intend to be helpful and supportive, but that you also have certain laws you must follow about reporting things that are illegal. Let the child know that you will keep the disclosure confidential by not discussing it with anyone who does not need to know, but that you will have to ask certain people who are specially trained to help the child's family.

Purposeful Disclosure:

In the case of accidental disclosures such as those discussed above, there is always an element of shock that precipitates a family crisis. A purposeful disclosure also will precipitate a family crisis, but there is more latitude in how the disclosure should be handled, so it can be less traumatic. Children who purposefully disclose have a reason; it is important to find out what that reason is. They will need support and guidance during and after the disclosure because it is hard for them to predict the emotional intensity and the disruptiveness of the family crisis that will occur.

Suppression Phase:

Family members have an intense emotional reaction to the disclosure of sexual abuse, especially if it involves incest. Repercussions within the family will be great. The normal psychological reaction to a disclosure of abuse will be to deny that it occurred, to try to suppress the publicity, and to act as if the event has had no impact on their lives. The perpetrator can be expected to lie and to act incensed about being “falsely accused.” However, educators must remember that young children rarely make up such events; they do not have the prior knowledge to lie about sexual activity unless they have been exposed to it. The mother’s normal tendency is to believe her spouse, not the child, especially if the child has had previous emotional problems. She may pressure her daughter to recant her story in order to keep the family together. If the mother aligns herself with her daughter, she loses not only the man's emotional and physical support, but possibly also his economic support of her family. She also may face physical abuse by her spouse against herself. The parents may join together and use threats to insure the child’s secrecy, or even physically abuse the victim. The victim is at a higher risk for psychological and physical abuse once she or he has disclosed than she or he is for re-occurrence of the sexual abuse. 

Typical psychological abuse will include the child's being blamed for the abuse, the child's being rejected by the family, the child's not being believed and being called a pathological liar or crazy, or even the child's being sent away from the family.  Other family members will experience a conflict of family loyalties and hostility toward either the perpetrator or the victim.  Therefore, it is going to be important that this family immediately receive professional mental health services both during the disclosure phase and for many years after as the family heals.