Ways Children React to People

Characteristics of children who are “Slow-to-warm-up”:

• Typically need time and support from trusted caregivers to warm up before they feel comfortable enough to interact with others
• May be very happy to play on their own or with just one familiar friend or adult
• Prefer hanging out with you; and are likely to be just as content as more social and outgoing children

Practical Strategies to support children who are “Slow-to-warm-up”:

• Think of yourself as a safe home base.  Introduce children to new people from the safety of your arms.  Place them on your lap near another child and talk about what the other child is doing in a soothing, reassuring voice.
• Communicate positive feelings toward others nonverbally by using your facial expressions and body language. Remember that children are looking to you for cues on how to feel and act.  If you convey that you are at ease and comfortable with the situation or person, it is more likely that they will be too.
• Suggest that new people take it slowly when they interact with children who are shy, or slow-to-warm-up.  Give them the child’s favorite toy or book, and let them use it as a bridge to connect with the child.
• Whenever possible, prepare children to meet new people ahead of time, and give them a lot of time to get used to new places.  Share something about the new situation or person that will help your child know what to expect, as well as something that might interest him or her.  For example, “We’re going to a new friend’s house together. Her family has a dog.”  The more children know ahead of time, the more comfortable they will feel.
• Use children’s books and photographs to help children know what to expect.  Books about meeting new people, going to a new school, or other encounters with “the unknown” can help children have an idea of what to expect in a new situation.  Showing children pictures of the people they will be seeing can also help prepare them and make them feel more comfortable.
• Don’t label children as “shy.”  Labels can often stick for a long time and aren't really helpful to children.  Instead, just explain that sometimes, kids and adults alike are more comfortable taking things slowly when a situation, location, or person is new to them.

Characteristics of children who are “Glad-to-meet-you”:

• Approach new adults and children eagerly
• Engage newcomers by smiling, cooing, and looking them in the eye--even as babies
• Often project a sense of openness and ease that elicits warm, positive responses from those they meet

Practical Strategies to support children who are “Glad-to-meet-you”:

• Provide many opportunities for social interaction.  The glad-to-meet-you child thrives on it.
• Be ready to step in when needed.  Even the most sociable child can find himself in situations where a helping hand is needed to resolve an argument or soothe hurt feelings.  By stepping in when needed, you help ensure that time spent with peers is safe and enjoyable.
• Watch for well-intended over enthusiasm.  Sometimes, children’s feelings of excitement about being around other children are so strong, they may end up knocking over another child with a big hug or even biting another child.  Help children learn to express excitement in less physical ways.  For example, make a game of taking turns hugging each other to help them learn what feels good and what is too rough.
• Read children's cues.  Even the most social child has moments when he or she is unsure, frightened, or tentative.  Offer some extra time and support when needed.
• Give children some time to play on their own.  Playing alone gives children the chance to use their own resources and imagination.

Again, most children fall somewhere in between “slow-to-warm-up” and “glad-to-meet-you” when faced with new people or new situations. Sometimes they are hesitant and need support or closer proximity when around new people, and sometimes they jump right in.  Either way, it is good to be aware of and prepared to support them as needed.