Frustration Levels

Characteristics of children who are “Easily Frustrated”:

• Tend to get very upset the minute something doesn’t go their way
• Have a hard time waiting for attention or help
• May give up quickly when faced with a challenge

Practical Strategies to support children who are “Easily Frustrated”:

• If they have to wait for something (food, attention, etc.), talk to them about what you are doing.  For example, you might say,“I’m heating up your bottle right now” or “Daddy is taking his coat off and coming to give you a big hug.”
• When children fall apart, let them know that you appreciate how hard it can be: “Puzzles are hard! It makes you so mad when the bear won’t fit in the space.” Then become their coach—help them think through solutions without doing the work for them.  Suggest or demonstrate strategies for solving whatever problem they are facing.
• Teach children to pace themselves.  Offer time away from the frustrating task for a hug or a cozy snuggle with a book.  Then return to the challenge with new energy.
• Break the challenge into manageable parts—“Why don’t you put your thumb in first?  Then we will work together to get each of your fingers in the glove.”
• Use humor.  Children will appreciate it if, for example, you yell at the block that has fallen: “You silly block!  You just won’t stay up there!  Well, we’re not giving up!”
• Be a role model.  When you’re struggling to assemble a toy, try to remain calm. Say, “Wow, this is really hard! I could use some help figuring this out. Would you like to help?”
• Remember that although the child you are working with may never be the most patient and persistent person, you can do a lot to help him or her learn to cope appropriately with frustration.

Characteristics of “Persistent” children:

• Don’t typically give up when faced with a challenge
• Have the ability to stick with a difficult task
• Can generally cope with frustration without “losing it”
• Can usually tolerate waiting for their needs to be met

Practical Strategies to support “Persistent” children:

• Join children in their play.  It’s easy to let them play alone for long periods because they are less demanding of your presence, but children need and benefit from interactions with you as you help them build new skills.
• As children grow, let them know that everyone needs help sometimes and that you are available to help them if they need it.  Sometimes persistent children get so much positive feedback for being independent that it’s hard for them to ask for help when they do need it.  Other times, children who tend not to seek help may go unnoticed when they are truly "stuck" figuring out a problem or task.
• Check to see whether children are “spinning their wheels” by trying the same strategy over and over when they get stuck.  Sometimes persistent children do get stuck and would benefit from your suggesting new ways to approach the challenge.
• Sometimes persistent children have a hard time accepting “No” for an answer.  For example, even though you’ve said no more TV, the child keeps asking and asking.  Help the child accept your “No” by being firm in your response and redirect the child to something permissible.