Conference Tips

If the mere idea of conferencing makes you anxious, these tips may help increase your confidence.

• Be prepared.  Before the conference, plan how you will organize and present information.  Decide on a couple of major points or goals you want to share and select samples or data that will support them.  If you don’t think well on your feet, make notes to help you.  Don’t try to cover everything, but instead narrow it down to the important facts.
• Be specific and clear.  Avoid meaningless generalizations, such as “She has trouble in…” or “He’s doing great…” without providing particular examples and other evidence.
• Put it in writing.  Even though you are looking at evidence while discussing a child, be sure that parents are given a written summary or report to take with them for their records.  Any action agreements reached should also be recorded and copied for parents and providers.
• Avoid jargon.  Be sure that you are communicating in a clear and simple manner.  Sometimes it’s easy to slip into professional jargon with terms like “developmental domain” or “sensory integration.”  Think about how you feel when a doctor or other medical worker talks to you in terms you cannot understand — I know it makes me feel frustrated and ignorant!
• Be ready to ask and answer questions.  Encourage parents to be active participants in the conference.  Ask questions that you would in an interview.  Examples are, “What do you see at home?”  “Has this been your experience too?”  “How do you handle ___?” “What are your concerns or questions?”  Parents also may come with questions of their own.  Be ready to explain your program’s goals and policies, and to answer questions about development and learning.   Remember that you don’t have to know everything — it’s okay to say that you are not sure about the answer and will get back to them.  Just be sure to follow through by researching the questions and communicating your findings.
• Be sensitive.  Pay attention to the family’s socio-cultural background and comfort level.  For example, many parents had negative school experiences of their own that may make them very uneasy in school settings and/or when conferencing.  If talking is awkward, it may also be because parents come from cultures with communication styles that are very different from your own, so do not take it personally if conversations are uncomfortable.  
• Be supportive.  Many teachers tend to blame parents for whatever appears to be “wrong” with their child, or expect teachers to solve issues they can’t.  For example, which way would you want to be asked about your child’s behavior: “I’m concerned about Clarence’s behavior—what’s going on at home lately?” or “I’ve been noticing some new behavior in Clarence lately and am wondering if you have seen the same things at home.”  Do your best to support parents by being positive, offering resources, and respecting the intensity of their feelings for their child.  I believe that to really care about children, we must care about their families too — especially the parents that are hardest to like.
• Be honest!  Being sensitive and supportive does not mean that you should minimize or gloss over your concerns.  One of your responsibilities as a teacher is to recognize atypical behavior and delayed development.  Talking with parents when you believe their child needs to be referred can be very difficult and require great sensitivity.  The following recommendations should help.
• Plan exactly what you will say and how you will say it; take along notes to guide you.  It’s helpful to have at least your opener, an outline, and your recommendations written beforehand.  Brainstorm with colleagues if you need help.
• Never diagnose -- even when you are sure a child is autistic or has hearing problems, for example.  Your job is to screen and refer, so be professional and don’t guess or assume.
• Use effective communication skills, such as “I” statements, active listening, and positive body language.  Remember that you are the professional, so you are responsible for setting a collaborative and supportive tone.  I use certain phrases repeatedly that seem to work;   “I’m wondering …” or “It seems like…” are good openers.  Other are, “You and I both want what’s best for Gracie, so…” and “The assessment will help me know what she really needs.”  Do a lot of reflective listening: “So, you’re saying…”or “It seems to you that….”) so that parents feel heard and you understand what they are really expressing.  These suggestions might not work for you, but find some that feel natural to you.
• Practice what you will say with a colleague by role-playing.  This is especially helpful if you are new to conferencing, or anticipate a particularly complicated or difficult meeting (such as referring parents for further assessment or services).
• Expect parents to be defensive, since most will go through the grief cycle usually associated with death (Kubler-Ross, 1969) when they learn that they have a child with special needs.  The grieving cycle includes the following phases, and people move back and forth among them.

(1) Shock and denial (“Not my baby, you’re wrong”)
(2) Anger (“Why him?  It’s not fair”)
(3) Bargaining (“Maybe she’ll get better if we just…”)
(4) Depression (“Poor us…”)
(5) Testing and acceptance (“Realistically, it may help if we…”)

No matter how gently you put it, you are saying that you suspect something is “wrong” with their child.  Some parents need to hear the same concerns from many people over time before they are able to listen. How well families cope with the grieving process depends on many factors, including parents’ backgrounds and level of social support.  Most will revisit these emotions whenever their child faces a milestone, such as going to kindergarten.  Others may become stuck in a certain stage and need professional help.

• Plan for the future.  Together with the parents, create goals and a plan for home and school that supports the child’s learning and growth.  Narrow it down to just a few strategies and be sure to record the agreement or plans made.  If a referral is necessary, come to the conference prepared with resources and contact information.