The following article is found in the ACEI Teacher's Resource on Child Abuse and Domestic Violence published by the Association for Childhood Education International. By Mrs. Kearny
Looking across the sea of faces in his class, Mr. Benjamin spots 7-year-old Johnny with his feet on the chair seat, his knees close to his chest as he rocks repetitively. Without expression, he gazes at the classroom clock.
Timmy's oppositional behavior is a frequent source of frustration for his 5th-grade teacher. She has tried to be nurturing, suspecting that he has some kind of trouble at home, but he continues to show her disrespect. The teacher becomes confused when Timmy rapidly develops a friendship with her new teaching assistant, Robert, and begins responding to her requests by saying, "I don't have to do anything you say! I only have to listen to Robert!"
Anna is shy with her classmates, but she adores her teacher and works excessively hard to please her. After she returns from an absence of several days, her teacher inquires about where she has been. Anna's eyes widen, her body freezes, and she is silent.
Marcella's teacher wonders why Marcella seems so angry. The teacher has to watch her like a hawk because she bullies other children so much. Marcella becomes enraged if she so much as suspects that she has been insulted, yet she often calls herself stupid, worthless, or ugly.
These children appear so different from each other, yet they all live with the same frightening secret: Their mothers are routinely battered by intimate partners. Every day, these children fear witnessing their mother's abuse. Although many children suffer from this problem, the shroud of silence that surrounds domestic violence leads them to believe that they are alone.
Domestic violence may be defined as the systematic abuse by one person in an intimate relationship in order to control and dominate the partner. This pattern of behavior is learned, self-reinforcing, and more socially condoned than you might want to believe. Abusive behaviors can be physical, emotional, mental, and sexual. Batterers also can use spiritual, social, and economic realms to control and dominate their partners, such as denigrating their partner's religious beliefs or withholding financial support in order to create dependency. Although men are not the only abusers, about 85 percent of the victims of intimate violence are women (Greenfield et al., 1998).
Domestic violence is a social issue. It afflicts persons of all socioeconomic categories and cultures (Greaves, Heapy, & Wylie, 1988). MacLeod (1987) reveals that least one in 10 Canadian women is abused by the man she lives with. One in 14 marriages in the United States suffers from repeated, severe violence. From 3.3-10 million children in the U.S, per year are exposed to domestic violence. Approximately 3 to 5 children in every American and Canadian classroom will be exposed to domestic violence. Although such violence reaches across socio-economic strata, impoverished children have fewer means to escape its impact. They typically live in smaller dwellings and are less likely to have a broad support system.
Ideally, schools should have a plan for helping children and families of domestic violence. The above table shows the roles each person can play in this process. Note that effective intervention involves many people, not just the teacher. Unfortunately, too many school administrators avoid the disturbing issue altogether, and so do not have clear procedures. While schools are legally required to report to the state’s child protective services agency when child abuse or neglect is suspected, there are no other legal requirements regarding their being more likely to experience the violence up close, and they lack the resources to find help or seek refuge.
Exposure to violence dramatically increases the potential for children to become victims or batterers as adults (Dutton, 1988; Strauss, Gelles, & Steinmetz, 1980). Table 1 shows how domestic violence affects children's feelings and perpetuates the cycle. Each violent act they witness harms or confuses children. Over time, they lose the meaning of morality and love. With proper intervention, however, children can learn to cultivate healthy relationships. Breaking the silence surrounding domestic violence and providing children with the skills needed to cope are the keys to ending this cycle.
The social worker plays the most critical role in stopping the cycle of violence and in giving direct support to teachers. While social workers are trained to remain calm when listening to accounts of even the most challenging and painful stories of abuse, most teachers are not. Therefore, I believe that social workers should not shift the responsibility of handling abuse onto teachers; teachers need to focus on the classroom.
Second, social workers should attend not only to the teacher's need to understand how to deal with children of domestic violence, but also to the possibility that domestic violence may be part of a teacher's own experience.
Third, they should be aware of the school's child abuse/neglect reporting policy and help teachers understand the reporting and subsequent investigation process. Some child welfare services may not consider the witnessing of domestic violence as a reportable incident of abuse, and therefore the agency may not intervene. Finally, school social workers must remember that teachers are their clients, too. They should have regular conversations with the teachers about the child in question, provide specific intervention techniques, and remind teachers of the positive influence they can have.
Without supportive policies in place, the teacher must bear responsibility for meeting the needs of children of domestic violence. The first challenge is to identify at-risk children. Upon first learning that a student is struggling with family violence, teachers may feel overwhelmed by the desire to save the child.
The teacher's role, however, is not to end violence, investigate any allegations, or advocate that the child be removed from the family. Consequently, teachers may feel helpless. Instead of giving in to these feelings, teachers should take comfort in knowing that they promote healing. A teacher's willingness to listen to a child's story without judgment can provide the foundation from which to build resiliency and personal strength. The most meaningful assistance teachers can offer these children is a comforting place to unload their burden.
Identifying children of domestic violence, the first step in the intervention process, should be done primarily by the school social worker. The teacher, however, is often the first person to notice signs of trouble, and so he or she needs to report those concerns to the social worker. If the social worker cannot, or refuses to, assume primary responsibility in the intervention process, the teacher must advocate in the student's best interest. Seek guidance through a local domestic violence program.
Witnessing signs of domestic violence and hearing disclosure from the child (or parent) are the two most common ways that teachers and social workers become aware of abuse. Children may display disturbing, provocative, and/or confusing behaviors. Aside from direct disclosure, there is no single behavior that proves exposure to domestic violence. Research has shown, however, that these children generally exhibit certain behaviors. Regardless of whether they see obvious signs of domestic violence, teachers can become aware of its existence by answering these questions.
Is the child apprehensive about going home? Does the child express a wish that you were his parent? Children of battered women often attempt to escape the inevitable tension and violence in their family. They may avoid going home, or create a fantasy family to which they can "escape" emotionally.
Does the child worry excessively over his mother, father, or siblings? Does he attempt to be overly responsible for adult matters? Does he try to convince you that there is an urgent need for him to go home? In their attempts to thwart future violence, children may try to keep order by pleasing others. The child may be overly preoccupied about being available in order to keep his mother or siblings safe. Simply hearing that it is not their obligation to end the violence, and knowing that someone would help their family, can bring relief and allow these children to return to their normal classroom.
Does the child fall asleep in class during low-stress, low-activity periods? Is she often sleepy or lethargic? Because conflicts often begin at night, children are commonly afraid to go to sleep, fearing the onset of more violence, or they might be awakened by fights. Some abusers purposely wake their children in order to have them witness the violence, as testimony to their power.
Does the child threaten and bully to get his way? Is the child repeatedly the victim of others’ bullying? Does she act timid, fearful, or passive with peers? Children from violent homes often act aggressively. They may be reenacting the trauma in an attempt to gain mastery over their feelings of powerlessness. Furthermore, their primary source of modeling has been a coercive and unpredictable adult. Consequently, these children view relationships as having a winner and a loser. At school, they may go to great lengths to ensure that they "win." Never enter into a power struggle with these children--you'll both lose. Learn how to bow out so that you both save face. On the other hand, some children may need to be taught appropriate assertiveness. They may be accustomed to staying quiet in order to keep safe. Children who behave in such a way may identify with the victim instead of with the abuser.
Does the child talk about alcohol or drug use at home? Alcohol and drug use are highly correlated with domestic violence. There is an 85% incidence of alcohol or other drug abuse among batterers, and alcoholic women are at a higher risk of being abused than are non-alcoholics (Children of Alcoholics Foundation, Inc., 1996).
Is the child withdrawn? Does she have difficulty making friends? Does she appear depressed?Some children withdraw emotionally, as well as physically, in their attempts to cope with abuse. They may lack the capacity to establish social bonds or to trust others, due to repeated experience with broken promises and unpredictable and dangerous parental behaviors.
Does he complain frequently of stomachaches, headaches, or other physical problems? The child who complains of aches and pains may have found this strategy to be an effective means of obtaining nurturing attention. Furthermore, children of domestic violence are more apt to suffer from bona fide health ailments, such as ulcers and skin rashes, than other children (Kilmer & Price, 1995). Regardless of whether the need for medical services is legitimate, teachers should attend to the emotional content behind the complaint.
Does the child have a very low threshold for frustration? Does he cry or throw a fit over minute difficulties? Children who experience domestic violence often have difficulty coping with even small amounts of frustration or challenge. Do not mistake their low tolerance for low ability. Their potential has been marred by trauma, and needs to be patiently restored.
Does the child seem preoccupied? Does she startle easily? Children sometimes daydream or become preoccupied about abusive events. They may be startled by ordinary events, such as a teacher's approach.
Does the child's mood shift abruptly, without reason? Is she calm at times and inconsolable at other times? Does she often seem agitated or anxious? Does she have peculiar reactions to routine events? Children who have witnessed domestic violence may show signs of trauma during routine activities and in play. They may respond to seemingly benign events with an intensity specific to the original violent incident. Even at school, traumatized children often live in the emotional environment of the traumatic event.
Do the parents seem to be hiding something? Do they deny or minimize any observable injuries?Based on my experience, abusers are capable of presenting themselves as caring, charming, and concerned parents. When questioned about the family, however, the abuser responds evasively or defensively, projecting blame onto others for any problems that the teacher describes. Meanwhile, the victim's evasiveness and defensiveness are part of efforts to abide by the abuser's control and to ensure personal safety. Children of these parents may be overly tidy and well-groomed, in order to maintain the facade of domestic tranquility.
Not all children exposed to violence manifest obvious behavioral signs. Some children keep emotional wounds hidden and appear to be "handling it." Some children survive domestic violence by fading into the background and keeping silent. They take this survival skill with them into the classroom. Still others outperform their peers, hoping that their actions will not be the cause of anyone's grief.
The second way teachers and social workers become aware of domestic violence is through a child's disclosure of the trauma. Disclosure can occur all at once, or in bits and pieces as the child tests the teacher's responses. Fear and silence are teachers' two common responses toward domestic violence. The teacher must confront his own reservations and prejudices before domestic violence can be addressed. The teacher's first responsibility must be to stay calm and supportive. Therefore, first inquire about the school's safety plan (see Table 2), and obtain specific information and support from school staff.
Here are suggestions for responding to a child's disclosure of domestic violence.
The teacher's response to domestic violence sets the stage for how the child copes with this painful issue, now and in the future. Your response is the litmus test for further disclosure. Teachers can help by:
The above strategies are just a sampling of what teachers can do to establish a productive classroom environment. If teachers need more help, they should sit down with a social worker (or appropriate personnel) and explain in detail what has been observed. If more intervention is necessary, involve a network of professionals. The appendices at the end of this article offer resources for dealing with domestic violence. One resource I recommend to professionals and teachers in their search to understand better how to deal with domestic violence, and in their more direct interventions with children, is called "Della the Dinosaur" (Schmidt & Spencer, 1996). This manual focuses on grades K-6, and offers advice for gaining administrative support for addressing domestic violence as a social issue; forming support groups for at-risk children; and helping children regain trust, confidence, and self-esteem.
Domestic violence requires intervention from a large network of trained professionals. Teachers play a key role simply because they have the most contact with children affected by such violence. However, social workers and principals must shoulder most of the responsibility. Teachers' first and foremost priority is to make the classroom emotionally safe. Including a topic on "Family Diversity" can open doors for talking about how families are different, and all have problems and manage their problems in different ways. Finally, all adults can help children of domestic violence understand that they have the right to be safe, healthy, and loved.