Children & Stress

By Herbert G. Lingren, Extension Family Scientist

Stress is a life event or situation that causes imbalance in a child's life. An unhealthy response to stress occurs when the demands of the stressor exceed the child's coping ability. Stress shows itself in children in complaints about stomachaches, nervousness, trouble sleeping, anger, and infections.

Reactions to stress vary with the child's stage of development, ability to cope, the length of time the stress continues, the intensity of the stress, and the degree of support from family and friends. The two most frequent indicators that children are stressed are change in behaviors and regression of behaviors. Children under stress change their behavior and react by doing things that are not in keeping with their usual style.

Preschoolers under stress react by exhibiting irritability, anxiety, uncontrollable crying, trembling with fright, and eating or sleep problems. Toddlers may regress to infant behaviors, feel angry and not understand their feelings, fear being alone or without their parent, withdraw, bite, or be sensitive to sudden or loud noises. They may become sad, angry, or aggressive, have nightmares, or be accident-prone.

Elementary-age children react to stress by whining, withdrawing, feeling unloved, being distrustful, not attending to school or friendships, and having difficulty naming their feelings. Under stress, they may worry about the future, complain of head or stomachaches, have trouble sleeping, have a loss of appetite, or need to urinate frequently.

Preteens and adolescents under stress may feel angry longer, feel disillusioned, lack self-esteem, and generally distrust everything. Sometimes they will show extreme behaviors ranging from doing everything they are asked, to rebelling and breaking all of the rules and taking part in high-risk behaviors (drugs, alcohol, shoplifting, skipping school). Depression and suicidal tendencies are concerns.

Building safety nets for stress.

Just as children's reactions are each different, so are their coping strategies. Children can cope with stress through tears or tantrums or by retreating from unpleasant situations. They could be masterful at considering options, finding compromise solutions, or finding substitute comfort. Usually a child's thinking is not fully developed enough to think of options or think about the results of possible actions. Children who live in supportive environments and develop a range of coping strategies become more resilient. Resiliency is the ability to bounce back from stress and crisis. Many children do not have a supportive environment and do not learn to cope with stress.