Things to Do and Don’t

1. Do...

   1. Listen.
   2. Write down what they say.
   3. When they slow down, ask them what else is bothering them.
   4. Exhaust their list of complaints.
   5. Ask them to clarify any specific complaints that are too general.
   6. Show them the list and ask if it is complete.
   7. Ask them for suggestions for solving any of the problems that they have listed.
   8. Write down their suggestions.
   9. Use the word "we" when discussing solutions.
   10. If they start out loud with their voice, you must match their intensity.  Do not yell at them, but let them know you have heard them.  As you continue, begin to speak more softly.  This will bring them down in volume with you.

    

   Example: You say "I know you are upset" (louder than normal voice), "but if we can sit down and talk, I'm sure we will work this out" (getting softer until you reach a normal, calm voice).

    

   Don't...

   1. Argue.
   2. Defend or become defensive.
   3. Promise things you can't produce.
   4. Take responsibility for areas that don't belong to you.  Let others own their problems (parents, educators, students).
   5. Belittle or minimize the problem.